I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
