I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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