Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
