i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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