piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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