She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
