I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
