Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
