So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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