I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
