she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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