So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
