The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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