I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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