My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
