I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
