You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
