Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
