That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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