Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
