gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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