Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
