I think my vagina is haunted
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
