I got chris browned last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
