One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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