Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
