i love accidental penises.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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