WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
