That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
