Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I believe in your delicious
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