i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
