I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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