i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
