is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
