If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
