oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
