I'm lost and stupid without you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
