We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
