I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
