Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
