Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
