Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
