dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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