We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's like a pop up book from hell.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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