I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
