i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
