It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
