the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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