I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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