either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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