Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
