It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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