cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
