I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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