the condom got lost in my hair
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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