i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
