I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
