So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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