I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
