I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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