Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
