so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
