Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
