he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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