new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
