Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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